Thoughts of the morning

Well time is approaching fast. Yes still don't seem real!... Steph honey the next time you read this remember Shayne,you and the kids are in my thoughts. I will so miss you and the support, and friendship you and me have. Remember as you tell me TAKE YOUR MEDS!... Shayne will be home then cherish every moment of it you,him and the kids.

And if for some reason I don't get to chat with you before Thanksgiving you have a safe trip to Heathers and your parents. But remember to drop me a line. And please drive safe. Have Heather change subjects for you when it gets uncomfortable with your mom. Love ya girl and will miss ya. I promise to get back online soon.

I'm not the only one who thought by getting a home would make Bill and I less stressed. I mean I know now things between us will never change. Just wish I had some one to give me a hug. Crying is impossible the pain is just to much. The darkness,emptiness,lonliness,worthliness,anxiety omg I seem to always have that which makes it hard cause chest hurts almost all the time now. It never seems to end. Though he has agreed to take me to the attorney on Fri. And he did tell the kids yesterday when he picked them up from school.

I guess kinda whats so confusing to me is that when we thought we had a house and the old lady changed her mind for BIZARRE reasons and I mean truly only if you had heard her reasons. Any how he cryed yes a grown man crying I knew then he was fustrated with this whole homeless thing. And they say men don't cry. No not like he admitted it but it wasn't the first time I had seen him cry either. But it just hurts me MAJORLY he crys over a house. But don't show no emotion about the fact a 14 1/2 year marriage is ending.

Like he has told me before it's been nothing but pure HELL for him all them years. Bill I am so sorry. I truly am. I know I never did NOTHING right. I mean do men really have feelings, do they have a heart? The emotinal,feeling kind of heart.